Louise's Feminist Musings

Notes on feminist news & issues

Why Real Men Shouldn’t Fantasize About Women

Read a man’s thoughts about the destructiveness of porn.

I think he is right and I am glad to hear a man say it (although the sort of analysis does not go far enough for my taste). I had a bodyfriend (well, man-friend, friend-something) once who was like this (computer, toiletroll next to it). He did not lie about it and I thought that I may be able to live with it (I was not in love, we were good friend who were attracted to each other sort of). But I came home one day (I lived in his home for a few months) and ‘caught’ him in the act…brrrrr…so unappealing. He was not ashamed about it and simply said ‘I told you about my hobby’,  ……eeew.

He was unable to have normal sex, as it turned out….it took him hours and he needed extra stimulation….it was sad really.


4 comments on “Why Real Men Shouldn’t Fantasize About Women

  1. DrexelDitch
    September 6, 2013

    This is bullshit. I tore down every single argument in the article with facts and sometimes just logic, and the blogger who wrote it deleted every comment.
    I also gave scientific evidence that various comments on the blog were completely false, those also got deleted.

    I asked the author why he deleted all the links… he said it was because I was being disrespectful. He kept repeating this, yet never gave a single counter argument.

    • louisechanary
      September 7, 2013

      I don’t see how you could have ‘torn down arguments’ because this seems to be largely the opinion of the author. He writes about things that he notices. You can agree or disagree and give your own opinion about the destructiveness of porn.

      Do you think porn is perfectly fine? Do you feel it has (had) an effect on your life or the lives of people you know? It has had a negative effect on one of my male friends and my relationship with him, therefore I recognize a lot of what the author is saying.

      I think that any owner of a blog has the possibility to not show your comment and to choose not to engage in a discussion with you (especially if your comments are, or thought to be, disrespectful, which you do not deny). That seems to me to be just the way it ought to be because blogs are created and maintained by someone, for a purpose, and in a sense represent the owner’s opinions and are the owner’s free spaces to express themselves. The maintaining takes a lot of effort. The commenters are guests who can be welcomed or refused entry.
      I have had to actively approve of you commenting on this blog.

      Of course it is not very pleasant to have written a comment and then have it removed. My comments were sometimes altered and this I really despise because they appear as if I have written them but may be taken in an entirely different way now half is removed or altered.

  2. louisechanary
    September 7, 2013

    I looked at it again and he makes generalizations that you could discredit by showing him lots of data that do not support his ideas. Still, I think it should be read as being just his ideas of what might be the case. More like a hypothesis.

    (One thing seems to be wrong: I have never heard of a connection between the speed of sperm (or of the ejaculation? I don’t remember exactly) and masturbation, or a connection with a decline in the health of sperm.) There is nothing wrong with masturbation i think, but I do think that using images of other persons having sex is very different from experiencing it yourself. I think that if someone, who is used to get off from images, has actual sex, s/he may feel the need to use these images again (just like if you eat a lot of candy, you may not feel satisfied with experiencing complex, different tastes) instead of being in the moment and having attention for the person who s/he is having sex with at that time.

  3. DrexelDitch
    October 12, 2013

    No, at first I wasn’t disrespectful. He just didn’t like the logic behind my argument.

    Yeah, you’ve never heard of the connection because it’s BS. There’s a lot of myths going around, born out of the moral ways to do science when it comes to sex. Watch the movie Kinsey and you’ll see good examples of that. In America especially there are still a lot of myths and BS about sex that’s only puritan agenda.

    This guy has some extremely warped definitions of pretty much everything.
    He is incapable of rational though, his theories aren’t backed by anything substantial.
    If you read the comments on his blogs, all the people there are ignorant and/or stupid to the limit as well. It’s quite ridiculous.

    As for the general idea itself, it’s quite bad.
    The idea of porn desensitizing is valid, but desensitizing is a general and very broad psychological mechanism. We get desensitized to happiness, sound, taste, color and luminosity, sadness, cold and hot, a particular joke, someone’s pretty eyes, etc.
    Of course if you watch porn and jerk off 5 times in 2 days and you go on a date you’re not going to be very aroused at first. That’s perfectly expected, and this is why you shouldn’t do it before a date if you’re expecting to get laid.
    However, there are those who say “you shouldn’t be thinking about sex on a date, you shouldn’t sexually objectify your date” (which I think defeats the purpose of a date, but whatever), in which case you SHOULD do it, so sex isn’t on your mind.

    But that’s not what he’s saying. He’s saying much more. And if you read carefully, he outright contradicts himself. Because he’s an idiot and he cannot properly construct rhetoric,

    I got pissed for a while because he’s outright lying and spreading misinformation which people buy and conform to, leading to harmful dynamics. I’ve seen these dynamics first-hand, and when lacking proper education, it’s easy become part of dynamics of sexism and puritanism and whatever other idiotic ideologies they can come up with.
    I used to work with issues like this and it makes me mad when some idiot’s trying to make the world worse.

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